cyberinsekt

The Fucking Pigs - Best Individual Song on the CD
The Fucking Pigs - Prick with Ears (Goose mix)
The Fucking Pigs - Revolution #Belch

It's April Fool's day. Today it's customary to present you with some outlandish concoction, and try to convince you that it actually exists. Then I link to an mp3 of me singing in the bath.

Come to think of it, I should do that at some point. After all, I am a very good singer.

What's even better, however, would be to introduce you to a band who were stranger than fiction. A band whose very existence is a better joke than any April prankery. That's why it is my pleasure to introduce you to Ward Hog, Scott "The Fucking Goose" Pig and ORD, sometimes known as The Fucking Pigs.

You won't find much information about the Pigs on the Web. Their website is 404 compliant these days, and I guess that goes for the band as well. They never released anything commercially, although they did get some enthusiastic airplay on WFMU. ("I'm afraid I can't say the name of this next band on air.") More information can be found if you look in Google's Usenet archives, though most hits will be from people telling them that they fucking suck.

This isn't some minor problem that can be brushed under the carpet. The Pigs did fucking suck. If anything, this was the cornerstone of their appeal. They were utterly, unremittingly dreadful, and they revelled in this. In fact, as they matured as a band, they got even worse. There's dedication for you.

A word or two about extended vocal technique. I have much love for vocalists such as Meredith Monk and Diamanda Galàs, singers who introduced a whole new language of whoops, screams and chitters into their music. I've also got a fondness for the hoarse, screamed vocals of crust punk and black metal bands. Even so, nothing I had heard before prepared me for the vocal stylings of the Fucking Pigs.

They belched.

They belched copiously and dramatically, they belched vulgarly and amusingly, they belched up the very phlegm of a new music before our astonished ears. (And then they got out a tissue, wiped it up, and apologised, as they were nice lads really.) If you want to hear trashy guitar and the finest bodily functions Australia has to offer, then look no further than the Fucking Pigs.

I should warn you, though: they do fucking suck.